We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
