I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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