just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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