i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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