I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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