I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
