I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
