I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
