i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
