tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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