I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
