There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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