My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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