he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
