i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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