im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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