I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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