Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
