We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
