i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
