just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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