Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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