So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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