I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
