so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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