Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
