You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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