would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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