Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
