another moral hangover. fuck.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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