I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
