i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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