I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
