is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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