First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize