'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
