its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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