one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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