I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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