I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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