According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she looked like the before picture.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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