u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
