He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
