Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
