toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
