Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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