I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
