It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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