just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
