You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
