My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
