highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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