If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
