what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
