Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
