I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
