i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
