My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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