there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
