WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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