Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
