My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
