I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
