He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
