ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I could fuck to npr.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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