are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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