How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
