I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And my parents said I crawled through the house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
